Today is December 1st. While most people measure how many days there are until Christmas, I measure how many paychecks until Christmas. For me, it's two paychecks: the one from this past Friday, and December 13th.
I am sitting pretty with a checking account that is healthy and bills scheduled to be paid. I have had my student loan switched out of a collection agency and back with the Department of Education. That is a huge difference from last year.
A year ago today, I was opening up bank statements that showed insufficient funds. I was facing Christmas shopping with a headache of worry, knowing that the only way I could afford anything was if I postponed paying the phone and electric bills.
Today, I keep my budget on my iPhone and I regularly check it. No bill are paid late and I always know how much is left to spend.
This Christmas, I have $290 this pay period and up to $600 on December 13th. I will be getting a $2,000 bonus in January for teaching an extra class this semester, and I've reduced my health savings account by $100 per pay period. That means that once Christmas shopping is paid with cash, I will have a wealthy feeling in January. I don't wish that sick "oh no, I've maxed my credit cards after the holidays" feeling on anyone, but I'm happy that at least I won't be feeling it. Hopefully, I'll never feel that feeling again.
Sunday, December 1, 2013
Sunday, October 13, 2013
82/283: I slipped up!
I did, I slipped up a bit, but luckily not too much.
I've been feeling pretty proud of myself these days. Always some money in the bank, no late fees lately, and all of my bills are scheduled to be paid on time or early. Until this morning...
I hadn't been checking my checking account every morning like I had been doing this summer. Instead, this week I rode the wave of over confidence. Instead of knowing my balance to the penny, I spent the week guessing how much I had and doing what I believed to be underspending. Well, this morning I got quite a surprise, and not the good kind.
I still was in the black, but realized that one credit card bill was not showing. It should have cleared $80 on Oct. 9th, but it didn't and it was already Oct. 12th. Hmmm....
After further investigation, I realized that I had forgotten to set up an automatic debit for that credit card. Therefore, I was charged a $35 late fee on the 9th instead of seeing a payment made. It's my own fault for not checking my budget daily.
Live and learn. On the bright side, I've been enjoying the thought of being almost done paying my Citibank card. I have one more $125 payment this month (tomorrow) and then a $30 or so last payment on the same account. I get to see that payment in my rear view mirror, and I can't wait.
Also, Larry has offered to take the kids under his health insurance. That means that I will be paying only single person coverage at $600 per month instead of family coverage at $1,300 per month. Wow, a $700 savings per month, or roughly $350 every two weeks? That will feel like heaven at first after a short honeymoon of treating the kids to a nice dinner out and maybe a movie or go karts or something. However, I plan on putting part of that savings into my daughter's college fund and another part of it into a savings account which I plan to add to every paycheck.
It feels good to plan like this. It makes me feel so much more in control than I felt last July.
I've been feeling pretty proud of myself these days. Always some money in the bank, no late fees lately, and all of my bills are scheduled to be paid on time or early. Until this morning...
I hadn't been checking my checking account every morning like I had been doing this summer. Instead, this week I rode the wave of over confidence. Instead of knowing my balance to the penny, I spent the week guessing how much I had and doing what I believed to be underspending. Well, this morning I got quite a surprise, and not the good kind.
I still was in the black, but realized that one credit card bill was not showing. It should have cleared $80 on Oct. 9th, but it didn't and it was already Oct. 12th. Hmmm....
After further investigation, I realized that I had forgotten to set up an automatic debit for that credit card. Therefore, I was charged a $35 late fee on the 9th instead of seeing a payment made. It's my own fault for not checking my budget daily.
Live and learn. On the bright side, I've been enjoying the thought of being almost done paying my Citibank card. I have one more $125 payment this month (tomorrow) and then a $30 or so last payment on the same account. I get to see that payment in my rear view mirror, and I can't wait.
Also, Larry has offered to take the kids under his health insurance. That means that I will be paying only single person coverage at $600 per month instead of family coverage at $1,300 per month. Wow, a $700 savings per month, or roughly $350 every two weeks? That will feel like heaven at first after a short honeymoon of treating the kids to a nice dinner out and maybe a movie or go karts or something. However, I plan on putting part of that savings into my daughter's college fund and another part of it into a savings account which I plan to add to every paycheck.
It feels good to plan like this. It makes me feel so much more in control than I felt last July.
Saturday, September 28, 2013
67/298: Sleeping well these days
I haven't written in nearly three weeks because school has started. I'm a high school teacher that is also raising two kids on her own, so minutes are tight. My budget is tight, too, but for two months now, I'm more in tune with my spending and debt paying than ever before.
As of today, I've got only one more payment left on a Citibank Visa which at one point had a balance of $6,000. On top of that, I have only seven months more of credit counseling which has been helping me to pay off nearly $40,000 of credit card debt that my ex-husband and I accumulated before and during our marriage. After April of 2014, I will have paid that entire amount off! Close to $46,000 paid off by April!
I am proud of myself for sticking with my budgeting and watching every penny between paychecks. I still check what's in my bank account every morning when I wake up, and that has given me a sense of control and ultimately freedom which I haven't felt in a very long time.
I feel like I've really grown up.
As of today, I've got only one more payment left on a Citibank Visa which at one point had a balance of $6,000. On top of that, I have only seven months more of credit counseling which has been helping me to pay off nearly $40,000 of credit card debt that my ex-husband and I accumulated before and during our marriage. After April of 2014, I will have paid that entire amount off! Close to $46,000 paid off by April!
I am proud of myself for sticking with my budgeting and watching every penny between paychecks. I still check what's in my bank account every morning when I wake up, and that has given me a sense of control and ultimately freedom which I haven't felt in a very long time.
I feel like I've really grown up.
Sunday, September 8, 2013
47/318: Another Sad Sunday
I don't mean to be depressing, but being broke isn't pretty.
I feel better now at 8:19 am, but when I awoke around 6:00 I had that familiar sinking feeling. Payday was two days ago Friday, but I feel crappy that I still don't have enough.
Yesterday my dad helped me plop down some money to buy a certified used car. But while I can check "buying a reliable car" off of my list of things to do, I was hoping to have my older car sold by now.
When I am able to sell my old car, I'll have enough money to cover this month's student loan, my son's daycare for the month, and this month's HELOC, a byproduct of my marriage with Larry.
On the bright side, I recently did something new. I scheduled two credit card payments online for the due date or earlier. All of my biweekly payments are listed on my smartphone, so while I check my account every morning, I also check off on my phone which payments have been scheduled and which have gone through my account. I love my new budget and payment system! That in and of itself makes me feel a bit more in control.
My goal today is to remain positive, be cheerful around my family, and keep on keeping on. I will make it this month...I always do.
I feel better now at 8:19 am, but when I awoke around 6:00 I had that familiar sinking feeling. Payday was two days ago Friday, but I feel crappy that I still don't have enough.
Yesterday my dad helped me plop down some money to buy a certified used car. But while I can check "buying a reliable car" off of my list of things to do, I was hoping to have my older car sold by now.
When I am able to sell my old car, I'll have enough money to cover this month's student loan, my son's daycare for the month, and this month's HELOC, a byproduct of my marriage with Larry.
On the bright side, I recently did something new. I scheduled two credit card payments online for the due date or earlier. All of my biweekly payments are listed on my smartphone, so while I check my account every morning, I also check off on my phone which payments have been scheduled and which have gone through my account. I love my new budget and payment system! That in and of itself makes me feel a bit more in control.
My goal today is to remain positive, be cheerful around my family, and keep on keeping on. I will make it this month...I always do.
Sunday, September 1, 2013
40/325: Change
I looked out my living room window this Sunday morning, and saw my neighbors across the street loading a pickup truck. Their younger son was moving out. He had just graduated from high school and would be the last of their kids to leave home. Their older daughter recently graduated from college, got married, and had her first baby all within this last year.
Wow, that is one heaping pile of change! I can't imagine being a parent expected to navigate that much coming and going of my kids, but I know that my time will come.
For me, change comes in the shape of better financial decision making. Since I began this blog, I've turned a corner on making my financial situation a bit better:
1. I now check my checking account balance every day
2. I pay all of my bills early or on time
3. I have looked at all three of my credit reports
4. I now know my credit score and have examined ways to improve it this year
5. I have become more comfortable saying "no" to expenses that can wait
6. I've actively researched affordable, yet reliable preowned cars
7. I have taken up a part time job to help fill in the cash gaps that come
8. I've taken active steps to begin an emergency fund
9. I've become more honest with my family and friends about my financial limitations without being needy
10. I feel hopeful and in control of my finances
Change can be good.
Wow, that is one heaping pile of change! I can't imagine being a parent expected to navigate that much coming and going of my kids, but I know that my time will come.
For me, change comes in the shape of better financial decision making. Since I began this blog, I've turned a corner on making my financial situation a bit better:
1. I now check my checking account balance every day
2. I pay all of my bills early or on time
3. I have looked at all three of my credit reports
4. I now know my credit score and have examined ways to improve it this year
5. I have become more comfortable saying "no" to expenses that can wait
6. I've actively researched affordable, yet reliable preowned cars
7. I have taken up a part time job to help fill in the cash gaps that come
8. I've taken active steps to begin an emergency fund
9. I've become more honest with my family and friends about my financial limitations without being needy
10. I feel hopeful and in control of my finances
Change can be good.
Wednesday, August 28, 2013
36/329: Late bloomer I guess
Better late than never, I guess.
I just read James Molet's post about being fiscally fit in one's 20s, 30s, and 40s. I'm in my 40s now, but I'm reducing debt and trying to establish an emergency fund like a younger person. I'm at least one decade behind, if not more, but I'm gonna plug away no matter what.
With that in mind, it will be my responsibility to impart good money habits with my own kids before they enter into adulthood. Lesson learned.
Change of subject.
It's early morning, and I'm having my coffee and thinking about what I'll do in my classroom today to prepare for the students next week. I teach high school. I'm nervous because I will be teaching two new classes (preps) plus a handful of independent study kids. They're all "high flyers", which is good, but the downside is that they will expect me to be all knowing and fully prepared every day. I expect that of myself, too. It's just not gonna happen until I've gone through an entire year of trials, successes, and missteps. It's just the way it goes.
On a related note, it occurred to me this morning as I logged on to my computer how I've grown just a tiny bit with my own fiscal journey. Before writing this and reading James' post, I did something that would seem unthinkable two months ago. I checked my online checking account AND my accounts for both telephone and energy bills. What? I know. Good, right?
My checking account remains spot on and at the exact balance I expect it to be in. Shockingly, I have a credit, a CREDIT in both of the other bills. What? I overpaid my phone and electric? For a surprise, I guess that's a good surprise, but I'm even a bit baffled by it. But I'm not going to argue.
I am still reeling from my checking account taking an overdraft fee a couple of days ago when in my daily account checks I never once saw the account dip. Honestly, never. The four bank people that I spoke with all told me that my account briefly, all but for a couple of hours. dipped to a negative number when my electronic garbage bill went through. Apparently, my deposit from Larry (his financial assistance for my bringing his brother and family to the state fair...it's a long story) didn't kick in for a few hours. Because my online account only showed black and no red on my end, I never saw the few hours that the bank "paid my garbage bill" (their words.....THEY paid my garbage bill), they allow themselves to collect $37 anyway.
After making a stink about this, adding my claim that I have been checking my account every morning, which is the truth, they offered a fee reversal of $19 which I took, irritatedly.
I still don't like banks, but at least it's good to know that I'm not afraid of them anymore.
I just read James Molet's post about being fiscally fit in one's 20s, 30s, and 40s. I'm in my 40s now, but I'm reducing debt and trying to establish an emergency fund like a younger person. I'm at least one decade behind, if not more, but I'm gonna plug away no matter what.
With that in mind, it will be my responsibility to impart good money habits with my own kids before they enter into adulthood. Lesson learned.
Change of subject.
It's early morning, and I'm having my coffee and thinking about what I'll do in my classroom today to prepare for the students next week. I teach high school. I'm nervous because I will be teaching two new classes (preps) plus a handful of independent study kids. They're all "high flyers", which is good, but the downside is that they will expect me to be all knowing and fully prepared every day. I expect that of myself, too. It's just not gonna happen until I've gone through an entire year of trials, successes, and missteps. It's just the way it goes.
On a related note, it occurred to me this morning as I logged on to my computer how I've grown just a tiny bit with my own fiscal journey. Before writing this and reading James' post, I did something that would seem unthinkable two months ago. I checked my online checking account AND my accounts for both telephone and energy bills. What? I know. Good, right?
My checking account remains spot on and at the exact balance I expect it to be in. Shockingly, I have a credit, a CREDIT in both of the other bills. What? I overpaid my phone and electric? For a surprise, I guess that's a good surprise, but I'm even a bit baffled by it. But I'm not going to argue.
I am still reeling from my checking account taking an overdraft fee a couple of days ago when in my daily account checks I never once saw the account dip. Honestly, never. The four bank people that I spoke with all told me that my account briefly, all but for a couple of hours. dipped to a negative number when my electronic garbage bill went through. Apparently, my deposit from Larry (his financial assistance for my bringing his brother and family to the state fair...it's a long story) didn't kick in for a few hours. Because my online account only showed black and no red on my end, I never saw the few hours that the bank "paid my garbage bill" (their words.....THEY paid my garbage bill), they allow themselves to collect $37 anyway.
After making a stink about this, adding my claim that I have been checking my account every morning, which is the truth, they offered a fee reversal of $19 which I took, irritatedly.
I still don't like banks, but at least it's good to know that I'm not afraid of them anymore.
Sunday, August 25, 2013
33/332: Bank error...or is it?
It's the Sunday before I go back to school to teach. I'm a little depressed about the summer break ending, but only a little bit depressed. Truth is, I'm lucky to be gainfully employed at a job that I like. That's the truth. I feel blessed, and a bit lazy is all.
That said, I do have a score to settle with my bank. For the past month, I have been checking my account every day religiously including yesterday afternoon. After a day of shopping for school clothes with my daughter, I came home and checked my email and accounts.
There it was. An insufficient funds fee for $37, only my account HAS NOT had insufficient funds for four weeks. I know, because I've checked every single day. Those creeps. Bastards. I really hate banks.
Of course after dialing the bank's number yesterday, I got the message saying to call back during normal business hours. Oh, don't worry, I'm gonna call first thing on Monday.
I wonder if this bank has created some kind of algorithm that predicts consumer obliviousness which allows random withdrawals from unsuspecting customers. I am actually cynical enough to believe that this could be possible. I have heard that some banks have created computer systems for themselves that place the largest check or withdrawal in front of smaller checks and withdrawals, thereby creating more insufficient funds charges from customers that don't check their accounts. Banks are greedy bastards.
So on Monday morning, my plan is to call and set everything straight, and if they give me a song and a dance, I will ask to speak with a manager and ask them to PAY ME an additional $37 for taking up my time and energy. It won't work, I know that, but I would like them to know that someone is always watching them.
That said, I do have a score to settle with my bank. For the past month, I have been checking my account every day religiously including yesterday afternoon. After a day of shopping for school clothes with my daughter, I came home and checked my email and accounts.
There it was. An insufficient funds fee for $37, only my account HAS NOT had insufficient funds for four weeks. I know, because I've checked every single day. Those creeps. Bastards. I really hate banks.
Of course after dialing the bank's number yesterday, I got the message saying to call back during normal business hours. Oh, don't worry, I'm gonna call first thing on Monday.
I wonder if this bank has created some kind of algorithm that predicts consumer obliviousness which allows random withdrawals from unsuspecting customers. I am actually cynical enough to believe that this could be possible. I have heard that some banks have created computer systems for themselves that place the largest check or withdrawal in front of smaller checks and withdrawals, thereby creating more insufficient funds charges from customers that don't check their accounts. Banks are greedy bastards.
So on Monday morning, my plan is to call and set everything straight, and if they give me a song and a dance, I will ask to speak with a manager and ask them to PAY ME an additional $37 for taking up my time and energy. It won't work, I know that, but I would like them to know that someone is always watching them.
Wednesday, August 21, 2013
29/336: Checking my checking
I've been blogging for almost one month, and it has helped me feel better. That was part of my intent. The other part was to start better habits to lower my debt and help me feel more able to provide for my kids on a month to month basis.
It's just a baby step, but the fact that I am now logging on to my checking account DAILY and WITH EASE and no upset stomach is a huge milestone. For me.
When I wake up in the morning, I put the dog out, make my coffee, turn on Charlie Rose, and log on to my laptop. News headlines, entertainment tidbits, my personal email, my work email....and then I check my checking account. It's now part of my morning routine. And it's just nice to know EXACTLY what I have, what I've spent, and that I've planned well. No surprises, all is well. All is in the black, too. That is a big thing for me.
I want to vow to myself (am I good at vows? I guess we'll see....) that I'll check my account regularly if not every day. I want to add to my financial confidence. I want payday to be something more than a transition period between a full account and an empty one. I want to get to the point where I can do the following:
1) I want to really have an emergency savings account, not just the tip jar on my dresser
2) I want to be able to have a little more left over each pay period for fun spending with my kids
That's not too much to ask of myself, so I just have to stay the course.
I'm feeling grateful this morning for this first month of financial reflection. Let it be so for the next eleven.
It's just a baby step, but the fact that I am now logging on to my checking account DAILY and WITH EASE and no upset stomach is a huge milestone. For me.
When I wake up in the morning, I put the dog out, make my coffee, turn on Charlie Rose, and log on to my laptop. News headlines, entertainment tidbits, my personal email, my work email....and then I check my checking account. It's now part of my morning routine. And it's just nice to know EXACTLY what I have, what I've spent, and that I've planned well. No surprises, all is well. All is in the black, too. That is a big thing for me.
I want to vow to myself (am I good at vows? I guess we'll see....) that I'll check my account regularly if not every day. I want to add to my financial confidence. I want payday to be something more than a transition period between a full account and an empty one. I want to get to the point where I can do the following:
1) I want to really have an emergency savings account, not just the tip jar on my dresser
2) I want to be able to have a little more left over each pay period for fun spending with my kids
That's not too much to ask of myself, so I just have to stay the course.
I'm feeling grateful this morning for this first month of financial reflection. Let it be so for the next eleven.
Monday, August 19, 2013
27/338: Annual credit reports
I did it. I called to get my free annual credit report from all three credit reporting companies.
My gut is in knots, but I also feel a bit relieved. The only thing that will be more difficult than sending away for my reports is actually reading the reports. I will need to buy some wine and visit this site early and often to post my fear and anxiety.
This is tough for me. I no longer want to be so ignorant of my financial picture, and I want my issues to be shown the light of day. It's almost one of those "gotta hold someone's hand" moments.
I may have to call a friend when that day comes. And I guess there's always a Tuesday night DA meeting waiting for me if I need it.
Today, after I publish this very post, I will go back to my original posts and "check off" that I've sent away for my reports. I have two to three weeks to sweat it out until I force myself to tear open the envelope(s).
My gut is in knots, but I also feel a bit relieved. The only thing that will be more difficult than sending away for my reports is actually reading the reports. I will need to buy some wine and visit this site early and often to post my fear and anxiety.
This is tough for me. I no longer want to be so ignorant of my financial picture, and I want my issues to be shown the light of day. It's almost one of those "gotta hold someone's hand" moments.
I may have to call a friend when that day comes. And I guess there's always a Tuesday night DA meeting waiting for me if I need it.
Today, after I publish this very post, I will go back to my original posts and "check off" that I've sent away for my reports. I have two to three weeks to sweat it out until I force myself to tear open the envelope(s).
Sunday, August 18, 2013
26/239: Dealing with Dad
Sunday phone calls from each of my parents are normally no big deal. But today, Dad called wanting to know when he could help me buy a new car. This is a conversation that I've been dreading for a long while.
My parents, brothers, family and friends don't know how bad my credit is. A discussion about credit scores is not a normal topic of conversation. It could be one of our last taboo subjects, and maybe it needs to come out of the shadows and into the light. But just not by me....right now.
Dad wants to come down and test drive Ford cars with me, and then he wants to help with a down payment. In all honesty, I don't think that my local Ford dealership will honor a deal with me. My credit isn't good enough, or at least that's what I assume. I've got late payments, a student loan that has been in default, but is about to come out of default next month, and still a lot of unsecured debt to pay off.
I'm just not ready to have all of that dirty laundry come out in the open.
Dad is a self made man, wealthy, comfortable, and above all, judgmental. He will judge me. He will ask uncomfortable questions. He will say, "how did you get yourself into this mess?" and I won't have a very good answer. It took me a lot of years to get into my debt, and it will take me a lot of time to get out of it.
Unfortunately, my dad and I aren't emotionally close enough for me to share my deepest pain with. We just don't work that way. I don't always feel like my feelings are safe with him and I don't know why. It's that judgmental thing again.
I don't exactly know how to handle all of this. I need a newer (not new new) car, but his help with a down payment could really save me a few thousand dollars. I want a Chevy Cruze but he will only spring for a Ford car. I wouldn't mind talking about a car loan from a loan specialist that deals with sub prime credit, but my dad wouldn't hear of it. I'm stuck.
I want so badly to be free of this torture and just come clean, but it's too risky. Maybe I'll have a revelation in a day or so. Until then, I'll just continue to plan for the upcoming school year and look forward to more of the last episodes of Breaking Bad, my escape mechanism.
My parents, brothers, family and friends don't know how bad my credit is. A discussion about credit scores is not a normal topic of conversation. It could be one of our last taboo subjects, and maybe it needs to come out of the shadows and into the light. But just not by me....right now.
Dad wants to come down and test drive Ford cars with me, and then he wants to help with a down payment. In all honesty, I don't think that my local Ford dealership will honor a deal with me. My credit isn't good enough, or at least that's what I assume. I've got late payments, a student loan that has been in default, but is about to come out of default next month, and still a lot of unsecured debt to pay off.
I'm just not ready to have all of that dirty laundry come out in the open.
Dad is a self made man, wealthy, comfortable, and above all, judgmental. He will judge me. He will ask uncomfortable questions. He will say, "how did you get yourself into this mess?" and I won't have a very good answer. It took me a lot of years to get into my debt, and it will take me a lot of time to get out of it.
Unfortunately, my dad and I aren't emotionally close enough for me to share my deepest pain with. We just don't work that way. I don't always feel like my feelings are safe with him and I don't know why. It's that judgmental thing again.
I don't exactly know how to handle all of this. I need a newer (not new new) car, but his help with a down payment could really save me a few thousand dollars. I want a Chevy Cruze but he will only spring for a Ford car. I wouldn't mind talking about a car loan from a loan specialist that deals with sub prime credit, but my dad wouldn't hear of it. I'm stuck.
I want so badly to be free of this torture and just come clean, but it's too risky. Maybe I'll have a revelation in a day or so. Until then, I'll just continue to plan for the upcoming school year and look forward to more of the last episodes of Breaking Bad, my escape mechanism.
Tuesday, August 13, 2013
21/344: Only three weeks?
It seems like I've been whining on this blog for months, but only 21 days? Here I go again...
First, the bad news:
Now, the good news. It's always better to end on a high note:
First, the bad news:
- I need to look at my credit report, and I'm dreading it.
- I need to discuss buying or leasing a newer car with a dealer, and I'm dreading that, too.
- I know that I'll have to make a car choice, and if my choice isn't a Ford, then my dad will make me feel awful. Yep, dread is ensuing as I type this.
- I'm worried about how I'm going to stretch my cash this week and next if I don't make more hours and more tips at Skinny's. So far, Monday was a bust.
- Except for the fact that I always feel like my clothes are feeling tighter, and today is no exception, that's all the major money bad news for now.
Now, the good news. It's always better to end on a high note:
- Checking account, still in the black! Check!
- No surprise debits or emergency expenses have occurred this week, so that's good.
- Kids haven't begged to go shopping for school supplies yet, so yay for me.
- I've been enjoying feeling like a small part of a larger Google community. I've joined a couple of personal finance groups, and people have responded to me about my blog. That feels good.
- When I finish here, I plan to ask a Google community person if having sub prime credit is a life long sentence, or is there hope for me?
- And finally, my children and I have been enjoying our last two weeks of summer freedom with high spirits, minimal insults and injuries, and good humor. I'm lucky.
Sunday, August 11, 2013
19/346: Dealing with Mom
I usually call Mom on Sundays to chat about how our respective weeks went. She is retired and living the life of Riley with lots of friends and activities, and the ability to slow down and relax whenever she wants to.
Today is Sunday, so I called her after dinner. Mom sounded relaxed and upbeat in spite of the fact that the city made her prune her corner bushes with a nasty letter, and her accountant screwed up the numbers and informed her this week that she owes $5,000 in back taxes. Wow, what a week.
When it was my turn to relay our week's events, I chirped merrily about my new very part time job at Skinny's Pub. I mentioned that I'm enjoying myself and it's only about 4-5 hours per week. I might even decide to work one evening a week when the school year begins, which will be just enough. Most of all, the money is nice to have in my pocket.
Silence on the other end of the phone. "I see. Hmmmm, I see," she replied. Skepticism, surprise maybe, doubt that my choice to work more is a good idea. I don't know. What I gathered was that she is worried for me. She thinks I'm overworked as a single mother as it is. This probably isn't good news to her, but she's trying to hide her concern.
I guess she has a point, but these kinds of conversations with Mom can become uncomfortable quickly. They occasionally lead up to her inevitable question, "Do you need me to send you money?"
No, I don't need her to send me any unearned money. I'm not in dire straits. That's not what this is about. It's about being self sufficient, of righting my own wrongs of racking up too much debt, of not learning my financial lessons earlier in life. I'm not looking for pity, sympathy, or a hand out. At all. But a little praise and moral support would be nice.
I tried to reassure her that all is well, that I'm only handling what I can manage, and that it's only a temporary arrangement. The hours are short, the money is helpful, and the kids are fine. I'm fine, we're fine. It's all good.
I realized upon hanging up the phone that my diligence in writing this journal, keeping myself accountable in front of other readers, and planning my future better are part of my M.O. I think I just need to prove something to myself. I need to come out of the other end with the satisfaction that I didn't stay in a dysfunctional, debt ridden marriage, but rather made some positive changes on behalf of the welfare of me and my family. I want Mom, Dad, brothers and their families, friends, and my own kids to see me as the gal that took the reins and didn't give up. I want to be "the resilient one". That's all.
My kids got up from the dinner table tonight as they always do....full and unable to eat another bite. We had more than enough good food on the table tonight, and every night. That makes a mother like me feel happy. I did good. I will continue to do well.
Today is Sunday, so I called her after dinner. Mom sounded relaxed and upbeat in spite of the fact that the city made her prune her corner bushes with a nasty letter, and her accountant screwed up the numbers and informed her this week that she owes $5,000 in back taxes. Wow, what a week.
When it was my turn to relay our week's events, I chirped merrily about my new very part time job at Skinny's Pub. I mentioned that I'm enjoying myself and it's only about 4-5 hours per week. I might even decide to work one evening a week when the school year begins, which will be just enough. Most of all, the money is nice to have in my pocket.
Silence on the other end of the phone. "I see. Hmmmm, I see," she replied. Skepticism, surprise maybe, doubt that my choice to work more is a good idea. I don't know. What I gathered was that she is worried for me. She thinks I'm overworked as a single mother as it is. This probably isn't good news to her, but she's trying to hide her concern.
I guess she has a point, but these kinds of conversations with Mom can become uncomfortable quickly. They occasionally lead up to her inevitable question, "Do you need me to send you money?"
No, I don't need her to send me any unearned money. I'm not in dire straits. That's not what this is about. It's about being self sufficient, of righting my own wrongs of racking up too much debt, of not learning my financial lessons earlier in life. I'm not looking for pity, sympathy, or a hand out. At all. But a little praise and moral support would be nice.
I tried to reassure her that all is well, that I'm only handling what I can manage, and that it's only a temporary arrangement. The hours are short, the money is helpful, and the kids are fine. I'm fine, we're fine. It's all good.
I realized upon hanging up the phone that my diligence in writing this journal, keeping myself accountable in front of other readers, and planning my future better are part of my M.O. I think I just need to prove something to myself. I need to come out of the other end with the satisfaction that I didn't stay in a dysfunctional, debt ridden marriage, but rather made some positive changes on behalf of the welfare of me and my family. I want Mom, Dad, brothers and their families, friends, and my own kids to see me as the gal that took the reins and didn't give up. I want to be "the resilient one". That's all.
My kids got up from the dinner table tonight as they always do....full and unable to eat another bite. We had more than enough good food on the table tonight, and every night. That makes a mother like me feel happy. I did good. I will continue to do well.
Saturday, August 10, 2013
18/347: Plan to avoid overdrafts
I calculated my expenses and what will come out of yesterday's paycheck. I added the trip to Leeann Chin for the kids' "back from summer camp welcome dinner" at $14.00 and my nephew's birthday present magazine subscription for $15.00. Anticipating that I'll use my tip money from Skinny's to buy food for next week, it looks as though I'll be negative $96.00 by the time my student loan payment is automatically debited.
My plan? I'll pay $85.00 as a regularly planned monthly payment to one of my credit cards, and then pay Max's fall soccer fees with the card. Then, I'll ask Larry if he'll cover me $85.00 in cash. (He usually agrees to pay sports and activity fees when they come up seasonally because I pay $73 every month for both kids' musical instruments for a whopping $876 on my end.) Finally I'll just call the gas card company on Monday and tell them to cancel the scheduled auto debit of $13, and I'll just mail in the amount so that it arrives at their office before my next paycheck in thirteen days.
With this plan, and if I vow to only pay in cash (from my wallet and from the savings jar), I should make it with no overdraft fees on my checking account.
I vow to check my account online each and every morning so that there are no surprises or omissions. I have to be disciplined, I need to be honest with my kids about what we can and cannot buy, and I need to be kind to myself.
My plan? I'll pay $85.00 as a regularly planned monthly payment to one of my credit cards, and then pay Max's fall soccer fees with the card. Then, I'll ask Larry if he'll cover me $85.00 in cash. (He usually agrees to pay sports and activity fees when they come up seasonally because I pay $73 every month for both kids' musical instruments for a whopping $876 on my end.) Finally I'll just call the gas card company on Monday and tell them to cancel the scheduled auto debit of $13, and I'll just mail in the amount so that it arrives at their office before my next paycheck in thirteen days.
With this plan, and if I vow to only pay in cash (from my wallet and from the savings jar), I should make it with no overdraft fees on my checking account.
I vow to check my account online each and every morning so that there are no surprises or omissions. I have to be disciplined, I need to be honest with my kids about what we can and cannot buy, and I need to be kind to myself.
Friday, August 9, 2013
17/348: That familiar sinking feeling
I was awakened this morning at 4:00am by the crashing sound of a truck being loaded with...whatever, I have no idea. Crash, beep, beep, crash. What were they doing so early that couldn't wait until dawn? Have no idea if the sound was coming from up the street or down the street, but at this hour, the sound was unwelcome. It gave me the eery assumption that maybe a neighbor's car was being repossessed, or maybe the roofing materials left outside at the Simpson's home were being lifted. It gave me a sick, sinking feeling in my gut. The feeling that reminds me that we are all vulnerable, that things that normally provide us with a sense of security can just be taken if we're not using all of our senses to protect them. Weird.
What made matters worse for me at this early hour was the cold, fall air creeping in from a bedroom window left open a crack overnight. I reached for my comforter to cover my bare shoulders, and then pet the dog that was snuggling closer to me. Feeling that physical reminder that fall was in the air was not a comforting thought this time. And then a rush of worry came over me. I felt panicky that although yesterday I was practically giddy with pride that I had survived yet another payment schedule and today was payday, the good feeling would be fleeting. Today, I must pay bills online and over the phone, calculate what is exactly left, and then figure out how I would manage my money for the next 13 days.
As I lay there in bed, I felt my insides crush as if someone had just kicked me. That familiar sinking feeling that the next, unavoidable back to school shopping session would make me feel broke like it did last year. I will have to say "no" to certain items, and I will inevitably share the sinking "poor" feeling with my kids. I hate it when I have to reiterate to them our "situation", that it's "temporary", and remind them for the umpteenth time that "we're a lucky family because Mommy has a job and we can pay our bills for the things that we need." I've told my kids over and over, ad nauseum, that we should be grateful that we can afford the things we "need", just not always the things we want.
I am tired of myself saying those things. After this year of really looking at my spending, I want to be better able to buy comforts that my kids and I want, too. I want to will that day to come. I can be patient, I can wait. I just need to feel some hope that it will come eventually. I want this sick feeling to go away as fast as it came.
I didn't fall back asleep when the truck sounds stopped. Instead, I got up with the dog, poured him some kibble and fresh water, then took out my laptop and my budget and went to work. I paid the phone bill, electric and gas, one credit card, and my son's last dental bill with my HSA account. Then, I began to write this blog post as a means to find solace in just writing out my feelings.
I have two more weeks of summer break until I will have to begin my next teaching year. I never dread this time for the reasons that others may imagine, but I do wish that I had more relaxing, ruminating time before I am back on that fast paced, working mom treadmill again.
Now that I've written a little bit this morning, that yucky feeling has simmered down a bit, but it hasn't gone away completely. I'll feel better, but I don't know when. Maybe in a couple of hours when I've had my caffeine, maybe in a day or two. Either way, my goal for today is to open up my awareness of little things that bring me comfort and gratitude and to share that gratitude with another person, friend or family member. I want to feel that in the midst of doubt that I'll have enough money these next couple of weeks, I still have reasons to feel happy, glad, content, satisfied, but mostly lucky. The reasons are there, I know that they are. It's just too dark to see at the present moment.
What made matters worse for me at this early hour was the cold, fall air creeping in from a bedroom window left open a crack overnight. I reached for my comforter to cover my bare shoulders, and then pet the dog that was snuggling closer to me. Feeling that physical reminder that fall was in the air was not a comforting thought this time. And then a rush of worry came over me. I felt panicky that although yesterday I was practically giddy with pride that I had survived yet another payment schedule and today was payday, the good feeling would be fleeting. Today, I must pay bills online and over the phone, calculate what is exactly left, and then figure out how I would manage my money for the next 13 days.
As I lay there in bed, I felt my insides crush as if someone had just kicked me. That familiar sinking feeling that the next, unavoidable back to school shopping session would make me feel broke like it did last year. I will have to say "no" to certain items, and I will inevitably share the sinking "poor" feeling with my kids. I hate it when I have to reiterate to them our "situation", that it's "temporary", and remind them for the umpteenth time that "we're a lucky family because Mommy has a job and we can pay our bills for the things that we need." I've told my kids over and over, ad nauseum, that we should be grateful that we can afford the things we "need", just not always the things we want.
I am tired of myself saying those things. After this year of really looking at my spending, I want to be better able to buy comforts that my kids and I want, too. I want to will that day to come. I can be patient, I can wait. I just need to feel some hope that it will come eventually. I want this sick feeling to go away as fast as it came.
I didn't fall back asleep when the truck sounds stopped. Instead, I got up with the dog, poured him some kibble and fresh water, then took out my laptop and my budget and went to work. I paid the phone bill, electric and gas, one credit card, and my son's last dental bill with my HSA account. Then, I began to write this blog post as a means to find solace in just writing out my feelings.
I have two more weeks of summer break until I will have to begin my next teaching year. I never dread this time for the reasons that others may imagine, but I do wish that I had more relaxing, ruminating time before I am back on that fast paced, working mom treadmill again.
Now that I've written a little bit this morning, that yucky feeling has simmered down a bit, but it hasn't gone away completely. I'll feel better, but I don't know when. Maybe in a couple of hours when I've had my caffeine, maybe in a day or two. Either way, my goal for today is to open up my awareness of little things that bring me comfort and gratitude and to share that gratitude with another person, friend or family member. I want to feel that in the midst of doubt that I'll have enough money these next couple of weeks, I still have reasons to feel happy, glad, content, satisfied, but mostly lucky. The reasons are there, I know that they are. It's just too dark to see at the present moment.
Thursday, August 8, 2013
16/349: By the skin of my teeth
...I will just "get by" for the next two weeks. That's not a bad thing. I'm feeling triumphant and effective in sticking with my budget this week. As of today, the good news includes the following:
- Tomorrow is payday! Yay!
- My checking account is in the black! No overdrafts this time! It's the little things that make me happy.
- My boss at Skinny's asked me to work two shifts next week. With an earning average of $15 per hour, hopefully I'll rake in between $60-$75.
- I've got $20 cash and some change in my wallet right now.
- I have $66.00 in my savings jar as of today.
- The collection agency that is helping me to pay my student loan called today. They reminded me that since I've successfully paid my bill nine consecutive months, I will not only qualify to leave the agency and return directly to the loan lender, but will also have $10,400 in charges and fees dropped in September. I am so proud of myself for biting the bullet and chipping away at this damn student loan!
Tuesday, August 6, 2013
14/351: Tip Jar
It's the first day of camp for my two kids, so I have the whole week to myself to do as I please. My plan is to catch up on reading and writing, exercise, walk the dog, not clean floors, go to bed late, wake up late, not spend any money, perhaps attend my first DA meeting, and pick up some hours at Skinny's Pub.
Last night at Skinny's was a short two hour shift during dinnertime. Based on my first night there, I was expecting slim pickin's, especially in the tip jar. But surprises do happen. In just two and a half hours, I made $36 combined in wages and tips. Imagine if I had worked an eight hour shift on an equally busy night. I would have potentially made about $120 in one shift, and that ain't half bad. Tips do make a girl feel good.
When I got home, I put all of my earnings into my personal, plastic tip jar on my dresser. Then I poured myself some cold, white wine, plopped in a couple of extra ice cubes, and relaxed with the dog and a stupid final episode of the Bachelorette, a show I never make time to watch because it's so sanitized and phony. A little bit of good bad television (programs you can pick apart and feel superior to) after being on your feet waiting tables is a welcome thing sometimes, so who cares?
Good first day alone....I'm making this work.
Last night at Skinny's was a short two hour shift during dinnertime. Based on my first night there, I was expecting slim pickin's, especially in the tip jar. But surprises do happen. In just two and a half hours, I made $36 combined in wages and tips. Imagine if I had worked an eight hour shift on an equally busy night. I would have potentially made about $120 in one shift, and that ain't half bad. Tips do make a girl feel good.
When I got home, I put all of my earnings into my personal, plastic tip jar on my dresser. Then I poured myself some cold, white wine, plopped in a couple of extra ice cubes, and relaxed with the dog and a stupid final episode of the Bachelorette, a show I never make time to watch because it's so sanitized and phony. A little bit of good bad television (programs you can pick apart and feel superior to) after being on your feet waiting tables is a welcome thing sometimes, so who cares?
Good first day alone....I'm making this work.
Sunday, August 4, 2013
12:353: iTunes
I caved in to a need to be entertained. I only had $10 in my checking account, but I went onto iTunes to download one episode of season 3 Louie. I really wanted to see the episode with Maria Bamford and Parker Posey, so I spent $3, and now I'm down to $7 in my account, $5 cash in my wallet, a $20 bill that I hope to save in a jar on top of my dresser, and no credit.
It's important that as I write about my feelings about not having money, I have to also examine my feelings associated with spending money. What goes through my mind before I decide to spend the little that I do have?
Question: What makes you spend the way you do?
I have to admit that I didn't make a good choice today. As much as I love the show, I have to say "no" to myself when I feel the need to impulse shop, even though it was only three dollars. If I say "no" to the kids as often as I do, then I have to do the same for myself. I can read a good book or just listen to music if my favorite show is going to cost money.
With the kids away at camp starting tomorrow, I have to figure out a way to keep my money in tact for only an emergency gallon of gas or milk. I have $12, so I'd better just buck up and face the music.
I wish I had another episode to watch.
It's important that as I write about my feelings about not having money, I have to also examine my feelings associated with spending money. What goes through my mind before I decide to spend the little that I do have?
Question: What makes you spend the way you do?
I have to admit that I didn't make a good choice today. As much as I love the show, I have to say "no" to myself when I feel the need to impulse shop, even though it was only three dollars. If I say "no" to the kids as often as I do, then I have to do the same for myself. I can read a good book or just listen to music if my favorite show is going to cost money.
With the kids away at camp starting tomorrow, I have to figure out a way to keep my money in tact for only an emergency gallon of gas or milk. I have $12, so I'd better just buck up and face the music.
I wish I had another episode to watch.
Saturday, August 3, 2013
11/354: Car shopping
Car shopping online is easy. Just the thought of actually going to a dealership, however, makes me nauseous. I fear the over zealous sales staff, the sexism, the credit check, the rejection, and, of course the sticker shock.
I've bought four cars in my life. The first two were with private owners, and I paid no more than $900 for each. I was 25 years old when my dad helped me with a down payment of my 3rd car. I was 33 years old when I bought my last car with my husband as co owner. He paid the down payment because he had driven my Ford Escort into the ground when his old Mercedes clunker died, but I made all of the payments.
Now, my family and I need a reliable car to replace our falling apart Volvo. This time, the buyer is just me.
Last week, Larry and I finally got around to transferring the Volvo's title to me alone. It will take about a month for me to receive the new title in the mail, and then I can trade it in for a newer car. The trade in won't be worth that much, but it will be nice to pass this old car along.
This morning I decided to face my fear of car shopping and just drive to the nearby Ford dealership. I walked casually around the outside sales, looked, and mulled things over. The first few rows of cars were the newer, more expensive models. Nice eye candy, but out of my price range.
I promised myself that I only had to look and soak in what I saw. I didn't have to please a sales associate, and I certainly wouldn't step onto that quickly moving conveyer belt of sales. Only looking for now, but thank you. Sure, I'll take your card, thanks again. I'll give you a call when I'm ready.
Funnily, even though I didn't want to be accosted by a sales guy, I wondered after about ten minutes why no one had even approached me on such a slow sales day. Hmmmm, guess no one is desperate for a sale today. Guess that's good for me, no pest to tell me what I should buy and how soon. Sale will end soon, so hurry.
Finally, a gentle, older salesman slowly walked up to me, perhaps not wanting to scare me away. He must have done his research about female shoppers....we don't like to be bullied into buying. He didn't even introduce himself right away, but rather asked if I had any questions with an unassuming, friendly smile. He kept a good distance from me at first, not making me feel overpowered. Silly, huh? Interestingly, I found myself doing most of the talking. I mentioned my "just looking", but then followed up with my "waiting for my title to come in the mail", and then "my brother and dad are Ford guys". I know I said too much, but at least I wasn't hyperventilating. I actually felt comfortable with this unpretentious guy.
The salesman, Ron, didn't point out any cars for me to see but rather walked alongside me as I directed myself to a couple of nearby certified preowned cars, all the while listening to me and answering my questions earnestly and never with a hint of sales thirst. He then handed me his card and invited me to call him if I had any further questions. I told him that I would do that, thank you. Nice guy. I was relieved.
Forcing myself to drive to the scary dealership was a worthwhile exercise in facing my fears. I need a car, and I can't allow myself to stay trapped in the house from fear of rejection. It was a valuable lesson.
I've bought four cars in my life. The first two were with private owners, and I paid no more than $900 for each. I was 25 years old when my dad helped me with a down payment of my 3rd car. I was 33 years old when I bought my last car with my husband as co owner. He paid the down payment because he had driven my Ford Escort into the ground when his old Mercedes clunker died, but I made all of the payments.
Now, my family and I need a reliable car to replace our falling apart Volvo. This time, the buyer is just me.
Last week, Larry and I finally got around to transferring the Volvo's title to me alone. It will take about a month for me to receive the new title in the mail, and then I can trade it in for a newer car. The trade in won't be worth that much, but it will be nice to pass this old car along.
This morning I decided to face my fear of car shopping and just drive to the nearby Ford dealership. I walked casually around the outside sales, looked, and mulled things over. The first few rows of cars were the newer, more expensive models. Nice eye candy, but out of my price range.
I promised myself that I only had to look and soak in what I saw. I didn't have to please a sales associate, and I certainly wouldn't step onto that quickly moving conveyer belt of sales. Only looking for now, but thank you. Sure, I'll take your card, thanks again. I'll give you a call when I'm ready.
Funnily, even though I didn't want to be accosted by a sales guy, I wondered after about ten minutes why no one had even approached me on such a slow sales day. Hmmmm, guess no one is desperate for a sale today. Guess that's good for me, no pest to tell me what I should buy and how soon. Sale will end soon, so hurry.
Finally, a gentle, older salesman slowly walked up to me, perhaps not wanting to scare me away. He must have done his research about female shoppers....we don't like to be bullied into buying. He didn't even introduce himself right away, but rather asked if I had any questions with an unassuming, friendly smile. He kept a good distance from me at first, not making me feel overpowered. Silly, huh? Interestingly, I found myself doing most of the talking. I mentioned my "just looking", but then followed up with my "waiting for my title to come in the mail", and then "my brother and dad are Ford guys". I know I said too much, but at least I wasn't hyperventilating. I actually felt comfortable with this unpretentious guy.
The salesman, Ron, didn't point out any cars for me to see but rather walked alongside me as I directed myself to a couple of nearby certified preowned cars, all the while listening to me and answering my questions earnestly and never with a hint of sales thirst. He then handed me his card and invited me to call him if I had any further questions. I told him that I would do that, thank you. Nice guy. I was relieved.
Forcing myself to drive to the scary dealership was a worthwhile exercise in facing my fears. I need a car, and I can't allow myself to stay trapped in the house from fear of rejection. It was a valuable lesson.
Friday, August 2, 2013
10/355: Choices
Two nights ago, Max asked me if his neighbor buddy could sleepover. I said, "sure". The neighbor went back to his house to ask permission, but then returned saying, "My mom says that I made bad choices today, so I can't sleep over." Hmmmm, bad choices, eh? We all do them sometimes. Something to think about I guess.
Max got his bike stolen a couple of months ago. He hasn't harped to get a new bike, but I've been tired watching him sit on the couch on a nice summer day playing video games. Knowing that he still had about $130 in birthday money leftover, I suggested that we check out a neighborhood bike shop to see what they have. Just window shopping, no real purchasing. Max was cool with that. He is aware of my cash flow issue.
We saw that their bikes were top end, averaging about $350, but it was a worthwhile visit nevertheless. The sales guy, who looked like a serious bike man himself, spent a lot of time with us sizing up specific bikes and seat heights with Max and even sharing their trade in policies, just in case we wanted to make their shop our regular bike shop. Those bikes looked very high quality and I'm sure worth the price, but I could only imagine myself putting away $10 at a time in an envelope to buy at Christmastime. It's an idea. In fact, it would be really cool to see his face light up on Christmas morning, much like when he was 4 or 5 years old.
I felt that familiar feeling of not being the kind of provider that I wish I could be for my kids, the kind that can plop down a credit card any old time and help bring an instant smile to my kids' faces. But I'm a different kind of mom. A wait and save kind. Boring.
Even though Max seemed fine and wasn't bothered by not leaving with a bike, he never expected to do so, I felt a strong urge to suggest that we walk to the nearby Dairy Queen to get Blizzards for him and his sister back home. And, of course, a mini sized Blizzard for me. It was only a $10 expense, but it made me think that I just negated the lesson about saving that I was trying to instill. Isn't taking out $10 every time you want ice cream a good way to keep savings goals far from reach? Wouldn't it have been a better lesson to instead buy a couple of 50 cent cups of lemonade from the kid on the corner and save $9 for the cool bike?
I'm such a dork. That would have been the much better choice, but instead I spent money that I shouldn't have to assuage my own feelings. The ice cream was an emotional purchase.
I hope that in the future I'm a lot more mindful the next time I am faced with guilt. I need to buck up and just suck it up, knowing, well, at least hoping, that I'm doing the best job that I can in raising kids that have better relationships with their feelings and money.
Max got his bike stolen a couple of months ago. He hasn't harped to get a new bike, but I've been tired watching him sit on the couch on a nice summer day playing video games. Knowing that he still had about $130 in birthday money leftover, I suggested that we check out a neighborhood bike shop to see what they have. Just window shopping, no real purchasing. Max was cool with that. He is aware of my cash flow issue.
We saw that their bikes were top end, averaging about $350, but it was a worthwhile visit nevertheless. The sales guy, who looked like a serious bike man himself, spent a lot of time with us sizing up specific bikes and seat heights with Max and even sharing their trade in policies, just in case we wanted to make their shop our regular bike shop. Those bikes looked very high quality and I'm sure worth the price, but I could only imagine myself putting away $10 at a time in an envelope to buy at Christmastime. It's an idea. In fact, it would be really cool to see his face light up on Christmas morning, much like when he was 4 or 5 years old.
I felt that familiar feeling of not being the kind of provider that I wish I could be for my kids, the kind that can plop down a credit card any old time and help bring an instant smile to my kids' faces. But I'm a different kind of mom. A wait and save kind. Boring.
Even though Max seemed fine and wasn't bothered by not leaving with a bike, he never expected to do so, I felt a strong urge to suggest that we walk to the nearby Dairy Queen to get Blizzards for him and his sister back home. And, of course, a mini sized Blizzard for me. It was only a $10 expense, but it made me think that I just negated the lesson about saving that I was trying to instill. Isn't taking out $10 every time you want ice cream a good way to keep savings goals far from reach? Wouldn't it have been a better lesson to instead buy a couple of 50 cent cups of lemonade from the kid on the corner and save $9 for the cool bike?
I'm such a dork. That would have been the much better choice, but instead I spent money that I shouldn't have to assuage my own feelings. The ice cream was an emotional purchase.
I hope that in the future I'm a lot more mindful the next time I am faced with guilt. I need to buck up and just suck it up, knowing, well, at least hoping, that I'm doing the best job that I can in raising kids that have better relationships with their feelings and money.
Thursday, August 1, 2013
9/356: Sappy Gratitude
Happiness is elusive, so I think it's important for me to acknowledge to myself why I feel good.
- well slept
- good night last night, watching "Escape from Planet Earth" and eating hot fudge sundaes with the kids
- checking account balance STILL in the black!!!
- no auto debit bills on the horizon this week
- payday is in 8 days!
- almost done with my summer school work
- meet ups with friends and family on the horizon
- feeling healthy and that my family's needs are met as of today
Wednesday, July 31, 2013
8/357: Peanuts
I'm gonna just suck it up and take it for now. Skinny's is easy work, but the manager is a big, disorganized, micromanaging mess. Friendly and even generous, as noted by how he paid me on Monday. But last night during my "waitress training", he hovered over me to make sure I filled the salad dressing cups correctly. What, really?
Also, there's no work schedule to speak of. The manager, I'll just call him Hank, just tells me what day he'd like me to work the following week, and I respond "yes" or "no". Doesn't sound like I will have a certain day of the week to count on, either. It's all in his chaotically organized head.
Funnily, at the end of my shift last night, I was told to write my name on a waitress pad sheet, include the day, date, and the times I worked, and place it within a disorganized collection of other waitresses' pad sheets stuffed into a small, plastic meal basket on top of the microwave. That is record keeping system. It's how he remembers waitress hours in order to calculate our pay at the end of the week. What the hell? God forbid one of those sheets accidentally falls in the fryer grease. It's his word against the waitress's word as to whether she worked last Tuesday. This system needs help.
I only make $5.50 an hour there, plus tips of course, and I knew that going in. However, I was kind of counting on tips. Although a light night last night, I still had customers, but no tips. That's because I learned that customers sitting at the bar (and not at the traditional tables) will walk up to our service window and order a meal from me. I take their order, serve their food at the bar, ask how their food is tasting, clear their dishes with a smile....but I won't receive a tip at all. The barmaid gets all bar tips, the wait staff gets all table tips. Oh well, I guess she depends on tips, too.
Nice, here it is. Underemployed, yet desperate for extra money. I gotta do what I gotta do. Maybe after a while, if I choose to continue to work there a couple of times a week, I will have made enough of a positive impression that I can ask about how to earn my share of the tip. Or, maybe after a short while, I'll decide that this is chicken shit and I'll just leave. Maybe a part time position at the Sylvan Learning Center will give me a call. But I'm not gonna hold my breath.
Question: Share one employment experience that drove you nuts. How long did you stay before you threw in the proverbial apron?
Also, there's no work schedule to speak of. The manager, I'll just call him Hank, just tells me what day he'd like me to work the following week, and I respond "yes" or "no". Doesn't sound like I will have a certain day of the week to count on, either. It's all in his chaotically organized head.
Funnily, at the end of my shift last night, I was told to write my name on a waitress pad sheet, include the day, date, and the times I worked, and place it within a disorganized collection of other waitresses' pad sheets stuffed into a small, plastic meal basket on top of the microwave. That is record keeping system. It's how he remembers waitress hours in order to calculate our pay at the end of the week. What the hell? God forbid one of those sheets accidentally falls in the fryer grease. It's his word against the waitress's word as to whether she worked last Tuesday. This system needs help.
I only make $5.50 an hour there, plus tips of course, and I knew that going in. However, I was kind of counting on tips. Although a light night last night, I still had customers, but no tips. That's because I learned that customers sitting at the bar (and not at the traditional tables) will walk up to our service window and order a meal from me. I take their order, serve their food at the bar, ask how their food is tasting, clear their dishes with a smile....but I won't receive a tip at all. The barmaid gets all bar tips, the wait staff gets all table tips. Oh well, I guess she depends on tips, too.
Nice, here it is. Underemployed, yet desperate for extra money. I gotta do what I gotta do. Maybe after a while, if I choose to continue to work there a couple of times a week, I will have made enough of a positive impression that I can ask about how to earn my share of the tip. Or, maybe after a short while, I'll decide that this is chicken shit and I'll just leave. Maybe a part time position at the Sylvan Learning Center will give me a call. But I'm not gonna hold my breath.
Question: Share one employment experience that drove you nuts. How long did you stay before you threw in the proverbial apron?
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
7/358: I hate morning robo calls
Last night, I stayed up until about 2:00 am to watch a few episodes of season one "Louie". Yup, I'm hooked.
Early this morning, I was awakened by a robo phone call from a credit card company of a card I had forgotten about last week while writing my list of debts. I owe $540. The card has been closed for two months. I'm two payments past due. The monotone, robo representative is asking me if I can pay the entire balance now, or just the minimum payment of $100. No and no.
I hate BOTH of these situations: owing a past due amount, and being awakened by a robo call. It's just so shitty to start my day like this (I think I'm starting to sound like C.K.), especially after yesterday's good events.
I pressed "2" to answer "no" to the question, "Are you able to make a payment now?" If I was able to make any kind of payment, I would have done it in the first place.
I'm mad at "them", the credit card bastards, but I acknowledge that I'm projecting the anger that I actually feel toward myself. It's still my fault, I take the blame, but I hate being reminded of my inability to pay, of being broke. In the morning. While I'm trying to sleep.
Please call as at your earliest convenience at 1-800-IT-SUCKS.
So, today I'll call this particular card company back, discuss a payment arrangement with a real live person, and then include the payment amount on my Debt List on my cell phone list so that I can keep better track of it.
On the bright side, paying back $540 seems to have an earlier completion date. By paying $45 for the next twelve months, I'll be all done with it, so I've got that celebration to look forward to.
Today is Tuesday, the night of the closest Debtors Anonymous meeting. I'd think more about going tonight, but I've got a two hour shift at Skinny's, and there is no way I'd give up the opportunity to make tip money. It's just unbelievable that a professional with a master's degree has to think about these things. I've put myself here, and I can only be the one to get me out of this stupid hole.
I need another mug of caffeine.
Early this morning, I was awakened by a robo phone call from a credit card company of a card I had forgotten about last week while writing my list of debts. I owe $540. The card has been closed for two months. I'm two payments past due. The monotone, robo representative is asking me if I can pay the entire balance now, or just the minimum payment of $100. No and no.
I hate BOTH of these situations: owing a past due amount, and being awakened by a robo call. It's just so shitty to start my day like this (I think I'm starting to sound like C.K.), especially after yesterday's good events.
I pressed "2" to answer "no" to the question, "Are you able to make a payment now?" If I was able to make any kind of payment, I would have done it in the first place.
I'm mad at "them", the credit card bastards, but I acknowledge that I'm projecting the anger that I actually feel toward myself. It's still my fault, I take the blame, but I hate being reminded of my inability to pay, of being broke. In the morning. While I'm trying to sleep.
Please call as at your earliest convenience at 1-800-IT-SUCKS.
So, today I'll call this particular card company back, discuss a payment arrangement with a real live person, and then include the payment amount on my Debt List on my cell phone list so that I can keep better track of it.
On the bright side, paying back $540 seems to have an earlier completion date. By paying $45 for the next twelve months, I'll be all done with it, so I've got that celebration to look forward to.
Today is Tuesday, the night of the closest Debtors Anonymous meeting. I'd think more about going tonight, but I've got a two hour shift at Skinny's, and there is no way I'd give up the opportunity to make tip money. It's just unbelievable that a professional with a master's degree has to think about these things. I've put myself here, and I can only be the one to get me out of this stupid hole.
I need another mug of caffeine.
Monday, July 29, 2013
6/359: Two good things happened
First, I was able to easily stop payment from Consumer Credit of Des Moines. The kind woman on the other end of the phone said that it would be no problem for me to mail in a cashier's check by August 15th.
Second, I worked my very first shift as a server at our neighborhood pub, Skinny's, this afternoon. For three hours of work serving up a buffet funeral luncheon, the manager handed me $40 cash. He said that while the rate for buffet service was $10 per hour, he threw in a little extra because I learned a lot today.
I placed those couple of twenty dollar bills directly into a clean, plastic jar that used to hold hazelnut chocolate spread, and hid it toward the back of my dresser. My plan is to keep all cash payments and and tips in that jar to be used for emergencies. My hope is that after a month or so, that jar will hold enough to help me celebrate the Minnesota State Fair with my kids. At the Fair, our yearly tradition before school starts, it's easy to plop down over $100 for tickets, food, and entertainment. I hope that this little emergency / treat jar helps me and my family feel a little bit more normal these last eight months as I do what I can to continue to pay down my debt.
It's been a good day today. I feel better knowing that there is always this blog site for me to keep myself honest about my money intake and output. Thank you to those readers that help me to stay honest.
Question: If you are someone that has struggled with saving money in the past, or you are struggling like me now, what advice would you give? I would so appreciate your comments. Thanks again.
Second, I worked my very first shift as a server at our neighborhood pub, Skinny's, this afternoon. For three hours of work serving up a buffet funeral luncheon, the manager handed me $40 cash. He said that while the rate for buffet service was $10 per hour, he threw in a little extra because I learned a lot today.
I placed those couple of twenty dollar bills directly into a clean, plastic jar that used to hold hazelnut chocolate spread, and hid it toward the back of my dresser. My plan is to keep all cash payments and and tips in that jar to be used for emergencies. My hope is that after a month or so, that jar will hold enough to help me celebrate the Minnesota State Fair with my kids. At the Fair, our yearly tradition before school starts, it's easy to plop down over $100 for tickets, food, and entertainment. I hope that this little emergency / treat jar helps me and my family feel a little bit more normal these last eight months as I do what I can to continue to pay down my debt.
It's been a good day today. I feel better knowing that there is always this blog site for me to keep myself honest about my money intake and output. Thank you to those readers that help me to stay honest.
Question: If you are someone that has struggled with saving money in the past, or you are struggling like me now, what advice would you give? I would so appreciate your comments. Thanks again.
Sunday, July 28, 2013
5/360: George Carlin / Louis C.K....
...are two of my favorite stand up comedians. When you're a single mom with little time or money to go anywhere or do anything, and you're not dating at the moment, you spend a lot of nights watching Netflix.
Last year, my online obsession was George Carlin comedy specials. Who can resist them? His perspective on the ridiculousness of life gets me every time. I also remember encountering a book at Barnes and Noble containing love letters (some raunchy yet also irresistibly endearing), pictures, and copies of Post It notes that Carlin's wife collected and published. He's an ideal guy to have around if you like someone who can blur the line between insanity and clarity.
But I've recently discovered Louis C.K. Yesterday, I tuned in to his show "Louie" on Netflix, and couldn't stop watching. While my kids hung out upstairs, I went to my favorite laptop spot in the basement and binge watched "Louie" for about six episodes. Then I looked him up on Wikipedia and read about him because I'm such a geek. Then when I read that he received an Emmy for the episode entitled "Pregnant", I skipped all the way to the second season in order to watch it. And I loved it.
C.K., if I can call him C.K. fascinates me for a lot of reasons, but mostly because, like Carlin, he is so completely honest about topics considered to be taboo, like not liking your kids sometimes or post divorce dating pains. And being broke. It hurts that I haven't heard about him until now. All that time, unaware that there was a guy that could show me a newer version of what raw, pissed, and honest look and sound like. So refreshing. So funny, because it's true. Everyone loves someone who can say out loud what everyone else is thinking (or at least subconsciously thinking).
One of Mr. C.K.'s bits is entitled, if I remember correctly, "Being Broke". Click. Watch. Listen. Relate. C.K. relayed the insanity of having less than no money. A bank will charge you for not having enough money, that is, if you don't have a "minimum balance". Bastards. They suck. I hate banks because they make a profit off of less fortunate people, or at least people that don't manage their money well, like myself. Notice how I didn't use the term "earn a profit". They make it. They create it. And it's wrong, plain and simple.
Question: Who inspires you to be the most honest version of yourself?
In any field or profession, you've got your front line infantry and your back line cavalry. The infantry are usually the peons that have to charge into the battle first, work hard, and get paid less. They, or I should say "we", are the ones with credit card debt and money problems. The well dressed and manicured cavalry stand back and watch it all comfortably from their corner offices. The cavalry make more and more money doing very little while the lower paid infantry work long hours with fewer coffee or bathroom breaks. I'll bet that the bank cavalry, the CEOs, presidents, or whatever they're called, don't ever watch Louis C.K. or George Carlin. Even if they did, they probably wouldn't understand the humor or the anger. I'd bet that the infantry bank tellers, even though they work at a bank, would understand the insane truthfulness of the "Being Broke" episode. They'd get it.
As far as my own financial situation goes, I've got the same balance in my checking account as I did yesterday. No change, no big ideas, either. But at least I'm still in the black.
I just got off the phone with Mom. We had an easy, comfortable talk about the amusement park thing. It felt good to tell her that if she and Dad took only my niece and nephew from Michigan to the park (where my kids already went this summer), I still love them and my kids' feelings are in tact. I uninvited me and my kids. There, I saved myself a boat load of money and guilt for spending what I don't have. I feel free.
It's a beautiful, sunny, crisp Sunday afternoon. I am still broke, but I've invited my kids to go play tennis at an outdoor court near their school, and they're feeling up to it. I'm feeling satisfied today, and that's good.
Last year, my online obsession was George Carlin comedy specials. Who can resist them? His perspective on the ridiculousness of life gets me every time. I also remember encountering a book at Barnes and Noble containing love letters (some raunchy yet also irresistibly endearing), pictures, and copies of Post It notes that Carlin's wife collected and published. He's an ideal guy to have around if you like someone who can blur the line between insanity and clarity.
But I've recently discovered Louis C.K. Yesterday, I tuned in to his show "Louie" on Netflix, and couldn't stop watching. While my kids hung out upstairs, I went to my favorite laptop spot in the basement and binge watched "Louie" for about six episodes. Then I looked him up on Wikipedia and read about him because I'm such a geek. Then when I read that he received an Emmy for the episode entitled "Pregnant", I skipped all the way to the second season in order to watch it. And I loved it.
C.K., if I can call him C.K. fascinates me for a lot of reasons, but mostly because, like Carlin, he is so completely honest about topics considered to be taboo, like not liking your kids sometimes or post divorce dating pains. And being broke. It hurts that I haven't heard about him until now. All that time, unaware that there was a guy that could show me a newer version of what raw, pissed, and honest look and sound like. So refreshing. So funny, because it's true. Everyone loves someone who can say out loud what everyone else is thinking (or at least subconsciously thinking).
One of Mr. C.K.'s bits is entitled, if I remember correctly, "Being Broke". Click. Watch. Listen. Relate. C.K. relayed the insanity of having less than no money. A bank will charge you for not having enough money, that is, if you don't have a "minimum balance". Bastards. They suck. I hate banks because they make a profit off of less fortunate people, or at least people that don't manage their money well, like myself. Notice how I didn't use the term "earn a profit". They make it. They create it. And it's wrong, plain and simple.
Question: Who inspires you to be the most honest version of yourself?
In any field or profession, you've got your front line infantry and your back line cavalry. The infantry are usually the peons that have to charge into the battle first, work hard, and get paid less. They, or I should say "we", are the ones with credit card debt and money problems. The well dressed and manicured cavalry stand back and watch it all comfortably from their corner offices. The cavalry make more and more money doing very little while the lower paid infantry work long hours with fewer coffee or bathroom breaks. I'll bet that the bank cavalry, the CEOs, presidents, or whatever they're called, don't ever watch Louis C.K. or George Carlin. Even if they did, they probably wouldn't understand the humor or the anger. I'd bet that the infantry bank tellers, even though they work at a bank, would understand the insane truthfulness of the "Being Broke" episode. They'd get it.
As far as my own financial situation goes, I've got the same balance in my checking account as I did yesterday. No change, no big ideas, either. But at least I'm still in the black.
I just got off the phone with Mom. We had an easy, comfortable talk about the amusement park thing. It felt good to tell her that if she and Dad took only my niece and nephew from Michigan to the park (where my kids already went this summer), I still love them and my kids' feelings are in tact. I uninvited me and my kids. There, I saved myself a boat load of money and guilt for spending what I don't have. I feel free.
It's a beautiful, sunny, crisp Sunday afternoon. I am still broke, but I've invited my kids to go play tennis at an outdoor court near their school, and they're feeling up to it. I'm feeling satisfied today, and that's good.
Saturday, July 27, 2013
4/361: Then and now
Yesterday was a rough day for most of it. I had a cloud of shame and guilt hanging over my head. Also, a bit of disbelief and "why me?" for most of the morning and part of the afternoon.
I only have about $300 left in the bank. And yesterday was payday. I have to lay this out because it's the truth, and the first goal on my list was this: "(THOUGHTS AND WORDS): To be honest with myself and others about my financial limitations".
The cloud eventually cleared up, but before it did, I had to hit a strange kind of "rock bottom" feeling. After doing all of the math and figuring that only $18 stood between all of my bills being paid and groceries for the next two weeks, I made a decision that is not new for me: I spent money.
I had to. What other option was there? My daughter has grown out of her summer clothes and camp is in two weeks. We bought t-shirts and shorts at Target, and everything was on sale. My son needed flashlight batteries and other camp gear, too, so we bought them. Also, a large Jif peanut butter was on sale for $5, so we bought it. (My daughter is vegetarian, and peanut butter helps us both get by for a protein alternative.) We spotted seedless watermelon for $4.99, but I knew it would be cheaper at Aldi, so we passed it up.
Question: What would you have done if you were in my shoes?
My son begged for Twinkies. And begged, and begged. "Please, Mom, I've never had them before." (Lie.) "Please, please? I promise, this is the only thing I'll ask for, and I'll share with Laura."
"Okay, but you have to share. And you can only have two in the car." Max had eaten most of his lunch earlier. He mischievously ate three Twinkies in the car he told me later on that day, but I knew he was in kid heaven. At least temporarily until the next "want".
After Target, I dropped the kids off at home and went straight to Aldi. If I'm gonna do it, I might as well get it over with, especially since I know there is still money in my account and I can use my debit card. None of the automatic withdrawal bills like electric or the two credit cards are scheduled to post until next week. So I bought four bags of groceries for $48 at Aldi, my saving grace grocery store.
Last stop was Cub Foods for some extra firm tofu. They sell it for only $2.00. I'll make a large batch of vegetarian stir fry with the fresh vegetables, and that will be good for 2-3 meals for my daughter. If I saute some chicken, that will be good for my son, the carnivore.
On the way home with all of my provisions, my head began to hurt. My temples felt heavy, and I began breathing more slowly and noticeably. I wasn't feeling well, but rather overwhelmed. And worried. And panicked. My money. My plan. Those bills that need to be paid before August 9th. What was I going to do?
I went home, unpacked the groceries, walked past and smiled at the kids who were enjoying a movie on DVD, and lay my head down in my room. I just needed a moment to calm down and breathe normally. I needed to think of a solution. How was I going to manage now that I outspent my surplus $18 by about $160?
My solution? I have a $370 payment scheduled for August 1st. The payment is what I pay a non profit credit counseling organization called Consumer Credit of Des Moines. They collect from me two amounts each month, and then they pay my creditors. I have only eight months to go, and then I will have completed the program. If I call them on Monday, I'm sure they'll let me mail in that payment to them after my next paycheck on August 9th. I'll mail them a certified check from the bank, and then they will have the necessary amount by the 15th to pay my creditors.
Problem solved? Hopefully. I'll know Monday morning. My fingers are crossed, but I'm also breathing more easily.
I only have about $300 left in the bank. And yesterday was payday. I have to lay this out because it's the truth, and the first goal on my list was this: "(THOUGHTS AND WORDS): To be honest with myself and others about my financial limitations".
The cloud eventually cleared up, but before it did, I had to hit a strange kind of "rock bottom" feeling. After doing all of the math and figuring that only $18 stood between all of my bills being paid and groceries for the next two weeks, I made a decision that is not new for me: I spent money.
I had to. What other option was there? My daughter has grown out of her summer clothes and camp is in two weeks. We bought t-shirts and shorts at Target, and everything was on sale. My son needed flashlight batteries and other camp gear, too, so we bought them. Also, a large Jif peanut butter was on sale for $5, so we bought it. (My daughter is vegetarian, and peanut butter helps us both get by for a protein alternative.) We spotted seedless watermelon for $4.99, but I knew it would be cheaper at Aldi, so we passed it up.
Question: What would you have done if you were in my shoes?
My son begged for Twinkies. And begged, and begged. "Please, Mom, I've never had them before." (Lie.) "Please, please? I promise, this is the only thing I'll ask for, and I'll share with Laura."
"Okay, but you have to share. And you can only have two in the car." Max had eaten most of his lunch earlier. He mischievously ate three Twinkies in the car he told me later on that day, but I knew he was in kid heaven. At least temporarily until the next "want".
After Target, I dropped the kids off at home and went straight to Aldi. If I'm gonna do it, I might as well get it over with, especially since I know there is still money in my account and I can use my debit card. None of the automatic withdrawal bills like electric or the two credit cards are scheduled to post until next week. So I bought four bags of groceries for $48 at Aldi, my saving grace grocery store.
Last stop was Cub Foods for some extra firm tofu. They sell it for only $2.00. I'll make a large batch of vegetarian stir fry with the fresh vegetables, and that will be good for 2-3 meals for my daughter. If I saute some chicken, that will be good for my son, the carnivore.
On the way home with all of my provisions, my head began to hurt. My temples felt heavy, and I began breathing more slowly and noticeably. I wasn't feeling well, but rather overwhelmed. And worried. And panicked. My money. My plan. Those bills that need to be paid before August 9th. What was I going to do?
I went home, unpacked the groceries, walked past and smiled at the kids who were enjoying a movie on DVD, and lay my head down in my room. I just needed a moment to calm down and breathe normally. I needed to think of a solution. How was I going to manage now that I outspent my surplus $18 by about $160?
My solution? I have a $370 payment scheduled for August 1st. The payment is what I pay a non profit credit counseling organization called Consumer Credit of Des Moines. They collect from me two amounts each month, and then they pay my creditors. I have only eight months to go, and then I will have completed the program. If I call them on Monday, I'm sure they'll let me mail in that payment to them after my next paycheck on August 9th. I'll mail them a certified check from the bank, and then they will have the necessary amount by the 15th to pay my creditors.
Problem solved? Hopefully. I'll know Monday morning. My fingers are crossed, but I'm also breathing more easily.
Friday, July 26, 2013
3/362: Payday
Last night I had trouble falling asleep, so I did what most people do: called my bank to see if my deposit was in.
My deposit was in. It felt good to hear the positive number over the phone, but I didn't feel overly joyous. Because of my six overdrafts last week, my present balance is substantially lower than usual. But at least I am in the black. It's a small victory. For now.
This morning, I took out a few of the need-to-pay bills from my bedroom drawer, poured myself a glass of orange juice, and took out my phone. I called to set up payments. Telephone company, electric company, music store for instrument rental, violin for Laura and trumpet for Max. Done, done, and done.
After that, I took my iPhone where I keep a list of all monthly auto debit bills and their dates. With a calculator, I figured out how much money would be left after ALL of the due bills were paid, including the bills I just took care of. The remainder was $18.06. Crap. That's not good.
My account is now in the black, and that's a small victory, but it doesn't account for the following:
1) groceries for the next two weeks
2) some camp essentials for both kids next week (shampoo, flashlights, batteries, rain gear, etc.)
3) additional summer clothes for Laura, who is growing like a weed
4) paying back Laura and Max for some money I had borrowed for groceries, gas, and rental for a lawn mower last week, which adds up to $90.
5) within the next month, we'll need school supplies and new school clothes, shoes, and haircuts
Question: What advice would you give me?
This has become a repeat experience for me over the years. When I have to make choices week to week, it's inevitable that I will be overdrawn. Sometimes it's just a matter of deciding when to let the that happen. From my list of five items above, I will have to withdraw some cash, maybe $100, and see where it takes me with each of them.
This is a hard day. Familiar, but nevertheless hard. I know in my heart that if I had the money, I would pay the money. Just don't have it, and I'm looking forward to when the part time waitress job kicks in next week.
My deposit was in. It felt good to hear the positive number over the phone, but I didn't feel overly joyous. Because of my six overdrafts last week, my present balance is substantially lower than usual. But at least I am in the black. It's a small victory. For now.
This morning, I took out a few of the need-to-pay bills from my bedroom drawer, poured myself a glass of orange juice, and took out my phone. I called to set up payments. Telephone company, electric company, music store for instrument rental, violin for Laura and trumpet for Max. Done, done, and done.
After that, I took my iPhone where I keep a list of all monthly auto debit bills and their dates. With a calculator, I figured out how much money would be left after ALL of the due bills were paid, including the bills I just took care of. The remainder was $18.06. Crap. That's not good.
My account is now in the black, and that's a small victory, but it doesn't account for the following:
1) groceries for the next two weeks
2) some camp essentials for both kids next week (shampoo, flashlights, batteries, rain gear, etc.)
3) additional summer clothes for Laura, who is growing like a weed
4) paying back Laura and Max for some money I had borrowed for groceries, gas, and rental for a lawn mower last week, which adds up to $90.
5) within the next month, we'll need school supplies and new school clothes, shoes, and haircuts
Question: What advice would you give me?
This has become a repeat experience for me over the years. When I have to make choices week to week, it's inevitable that I will be overdrawn. Sometimes it's just a matter of deciding when to let the that happen. From my list of five items above, I will have to withdraw some cash, maybe $100, and see where it takes me with each of them.
This is a hard day. Familiar, but nevertheless hard. I know in my heart that if I had the money, I would pay the money. Just don't have it, and I'm looking forward to when the part time waitress job kicks in next week.
Thursday, July 25, 2013
2/363: Three issues
1) I have already had to be honest with my family of origin
2) It is hard to be cash strapped when you are the parent of a pre-teen and a teenager
3) Should I attend a Debtors Anonymous meeting?
Question: What has given you support in the face of financial difficulty?
My mom called yesterday afternoon to inform me that my brother's kids from Michigan were coming to her town (Duluth) for a week. My mom and I live two and a half hours away, so when the Michigan Eldridges decide to visit, we always fit in a larger family get together. Sometimes I'm aware of the MEs coming so I can budget for it. Other times, like now, I'm the last to know, so I don't have a lot of wiggle room to host out of town guests.
Anyway, Mom wanted to know if we could get the kids together, maybe stay with me at my house for a couple of days and then go to our local amusement park?
Within a few seconds of hearing the news, I already started to hear the sound of money leaving my wallet. I get a slight panicky feeling in my stomach, my head starts to throb, and I feel myself taking deeper breaths as I try to figure out how I will afford to host another family with food and amusement park tickets. Usually when they visit, it's a 4-5 day stay, and the little costs start to add up for a person like me.
I love my family of origin, but like any family, our family dynamics are complicated, especially for me. I usually think too hard about it, but as it stands today, I feel like I'm the poorest sibling. It is a sucky feeling.
During my phone call with Mom, she began to brainstorm ways for all of our family to get together and help her entertain my niece and nephew. I had to tell her that "things are tight this month" and that I wouldn't be able to afford amusement park tickets. It helps that my two kids have already been to our local amusement park this summer.
Mom said that she understood, so we are in the midst of planning an alternative. She told me that she appreciated that I was honest with her and not "Minnesota nice". Huge relief, and I hope it gets easier for me to be this honest. I could tell that the amusement park was still going to be her first choice. I'll deal more with that discussion later this week.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I looked up "support groups for spending and debt", and found DA ,or Debtors Anonymous. There's a Tuesday night meeting about three miles from my house, so I may stop be a couple of times. After talking with Mom and realizing that I really don't have a lot of people to talk to about my debt problems, this may be a useful tool. I think that by talking, I can become more transparent to others as well as more transparent to myself.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I greeted my daughter this morning, and saw that she has really grown taller since last year. The blue athletic shorts she was wearing were looking tighter, and I dare say they are nearly three years old. She needs, no, she DESERVES new clothes that fit well and make her feel good. I need to get on this.
I have three paychecks between now and the new school year. I need to set aside money, no matter how little, to buy both of my kids clothes. In fact, here's my end of summer list to consider budgeting for:
1. kids clothes
2. school supplies
3. pay water bill
4. get the dog neutered
5. take the kids to the Minnesota State Fair
As always, I have to get on this. Time for a rigorous workout at the gym because I'm starting to hyperventilate slightly. This is a stressful time, and I hope to goodness that a year from now I'm feeling better about my life and finances.
2) It is hard to be cash strapped when you are the parent of a pre-teen and a teenager
3) Should I attend a Debtors Anonymous meeting?
Question: What has given you support in the face of financial difficulty?
My mom called yesterday afternoon to inform me that my brother's kids from Michigan were coming to her town (Duluth) for a week. My mom and I live two and a half hours away, so when the Michigan Eldridges decide to visit, we always fit in a larger family get together. Sometimes I'm aware of the MEs coming so I can budget for it. Other times, like now, I'm the last to know, so I don't have a lot of wiggle room to host out of town guests.
Anyway, Mom wanted to know if we could get the kids together, maybe stay with me at my house for a couple of days and then go to our local amusement park?
Within a few seconds of hearing the news, I already started to hear the sound of money leaving my wallet. I get a slight panicky feeling in my stomach, my head starts to throb, and I feel myself taking deeper breaths as I try to figure out how I will afford to host another family with food and amusement park tickets. Usually when they visit, it's a 4-5 day stay, and the little costs start to add up for a person like me.
I love my family of origin, but like any family, our family dynamics are complicated, especially for me. I usually think too hard about it, but as it stands today, I feel like I'm the poorest sibling. It is a sucky feeling.
During my phone call with Mom, she began to brainstorm ways for all of our family to get together and help her entertain my niece and nephew. I had to tell her that "things are tight this month" and that I wouldn't be able to afford amusement park tickets. It helps that my two kids have already been to our local amusement park this summer.
Mom said that she understood, so we are in the midst of planning an alternative. She told me that she appreciated that I was honest with her and not "Minnesota nice". Huge relief, and I hope it gets easier for me to be this honest. I could tell that the amusement park was still going to be her first choice. I'll deal more with that discussion later this week.
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I looked up "support groups for spending and debt", and found DA ,or Debtors Anonymous. There's a Tuesday night meeting about three miles from my house, so I may stop be a couple of times. After talking with Mom and realizing that I really don't have a lot of people to talk to about my debt problems, this may be a useful tool. I think that by talking, I can become more transparent to others as well as more transparent to myself.
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I greeted my daughter this morning, and saw that she has really grown taller since last year. The blue athletic shorts she was wearing were looking tighter, and I dare say they are nearly three years old. She needs, no, she DESERVES new clothes that fit well and make her feel good. I need to get on this.
I have three paychecks between now and the new school year. I need to set aside money, no matter how little, to buy both of my kids clothes. In fact, here's my end of summer list to consider budgeting for:
1. kids clothes
2. school supplies
3. pay water bill
4. get the dog neutered
5. take the kids to the Minnesota State Fair
As always, I have to get on this. Time for a rigorous workout at the gym because I'm starting to hyperventilate slightly. This is a stressful time, and I hope to goodness that a year from now I'm feeling better about my life and finances.
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
Here's the good news
Payday is in two days. That's something.
I only make $1,750 every two weeks. In twenty six paychecks a year, that's a net income of $45,500. As everyone knows, much of my gross earnings goes to taxes, family health and dental insurance, and retirement savings.
Because I'm already in the hole this week, I will probably only see $1,150. Of course I transfer $100 of every paycheck to Larry's account because he helped me pay for the largest, most expensive living room window which was collecting dangerous mold along the windowpanes. That will leave me with $1,050. Once the bills are paid, most of them through auto debit, that number will dwindle down considerably fast within one week. But it's still something.
There's more good news to share.
My kids and I are healthy. There are no medical bills to pay, except for a $25 dentist's copay from my son's last filling.
I joined a gym last winter. My health insurance company rewards me by paying me back $20 every month that I visit at least twelve times. I love it. Working out regularly helps me relieve my stress and I can go anytime that works for me. My success in visiting my gym twelve time a month for the last seven months helps me feel good that I can stick to a plan. Yay, me!
It's summer, and my teacher's schedule allows me to stay home with the kids. Therefore, I don't have to pay any before or after school care for my son these summer months.
The kids' upcoming week of summer camp is paid in full.
My car still has a quarter tank of gas. That will last me the next 4-5 days until it's time to fill 'er up again.
The kitchen cupboards and freezer are filled with nutritious food and snacks until I shop for groceries on payday. We have enough milk, eggs, bread, cheese, fruit, vegetables, peanut butter, cereal, rice, and a pound cake for dessert for the rest of the week. I've got two lasagnas, one regular and the other vegetarian for my daughter, that are ready to be cooked tonight for dinner. I'm sure we'll have enough for leftovers tomorrow.
This Thursday is my son's last regular season soccer game. I'm pretty sure that my last $16 in cash will be able to cover some Dairy Queen treats in case the coach tells the families to meet there. I've learned as a soccer/baseball/basketball mom that you have to be ready for such unplanned expenses with some of these coaches.
Finally, I got an offer for a part time job yesterday waiting tables and helping in the kitchen of a neighborhood pub and grill. Since the beginning of this summer, I've been knocking on doors and emailing resumes for anything I can do to earn more money over the summer months. Until yesterday, nothing looked promising. I'm really happy about this. So is my son. He gave me a high five when he heard that I got the job. Smiley face.
Did I mention that payday is in two days?
Question: What have you done to earn extra money when you needed it?
I only make $1,750 every two weeks. In twenty six paychecks a year, that's a net income of $45,500. As everyone knows, much of my gross earnings goes to taxes, family health and dental insurance, and retirement savings.
Because I'm already in the hole this week, I will probably only see $1,150. Of course I transfer $100 of every paycheck to Larry's account because he helped me pay for the largest, most expensive living room window which was collecting dangerous mold along the windowpanes. That will leave me with $1,050. Once the bills are paid, most of them through auto debit, that number will dwindle down considerably fast within one week. But it's still something.
There's more good news to share.
My kids and I are healthy. There are no medical bills to pay, except for a $25 dentist's copay from my son's last filling.
I joined a gym last winter. My health insurance company rewards me by paying me back $20 every month that I visit at least twelve times. I love it. Working out regularly helps me relieve my stress and I can go anytime that works for me. My success in visiting my gym twelve time a month for the last seven months helps me feel good that I can stick to a plan. Yay, me!
It's summer, and my teacher's schedule allows me to stay home with the kids. Therefore, I don't have to pay any before or after school care for my son these summer months.
The kids' upcoming week of summer camp is paid in full.
My car still has a quarter tank of gas. That will last me the next 4-5 days until it's time to fill 'er up again.
The kitchen cupboards and freezer are filled with nutritious food and snacks until I shop for groceries on payday. We have enough milk, eggs, bread, cheese, fruit, vegetables, peanut butter, cereal, rice, and a pound cake for dessert for the rest of the week. I've got two lasagnas, one regular and the other vegetarian for my daughter, that are ready to be cooked tonight for dinner. I'm sure we'll have enough for leftovers tomorrow.
This Thursday is my son's last regular season soccer game. I'm pretty sure that my last $16 in cash will be able to cover some Dairy Queen treats in case the coach tells the families to meet there. I've learned as a soccer/baseball/basketball mom that you have to be ready for such unplanned expenses with some of these coaches.
Finally, I got an offer for a part time job yesterday waiting tables and helping in the kitchen of a neighborhood pub and grill. Since the beginning of this summer, I've been knocking on doors and emailing resumes for anything I can do to earn more money over the summer months. Until yesterday, nothing looked promising. I'm really happy about this. So is my son. He gave me a high five when he heard that I got the job. Smiley face.
Did I mention that payday is in two days?
Question: What have you done to earn extra money when you needed it?
Here's the situation....
I'm a 46 year old divorced mother of two kids, 13 year old Laura and 11 year old Max. I am a fully employed high school teacher. With the help of student loans (gulp!) I earned my master's degree six years ago. I've never been unemployed, except for the two years that I stayed home with my toddler daughter and my infant son. When he turned 9 months old, I went back to work and I haven't stopped.
In those early years of my marriage, I brought credit card debt to our union, but so did my ex husband. As we built our family, we put furniture and furnishings on credit cards. While I stayed home with the kids, he worked full time at a $40,000 a year job while also pursuing his law degree. We both used credit to appear to our families of origin that we were "doing fine". We both secretly knew that we weren't completely fine. And we rarely talked in a healthy way about money. Fight about money? Yes. Talk about money. Never.
Question: When is the best time to bring up money when in a long term relationship?
I'm still in a lot of debt, so I'm going to list the bad news here first. I promise that the good news list will follow, because there's always a silver lining. I have blessings galore, and it feels right and fair to list them as well.
My ex husband, Larry, and I together own a home: a 3 bedroom, 1 bathroom rambler, in a middle class suburb outside of St. Paul, Minnesota. I share this home with my children. Larry remarried last December and lives with his wife about twenty minutes away. In our divorce decree, Larry agreed to pay our mortgage in place of child support, and he has done this without fail. I am truly grateful for this.
The house my children and I share is sturdy, but older, built in the 1950s. The original plumbing, exterior siding, original windows and doors, and tar coated driveway need to be refurbished or replaced. There is a dying pine tree and a couple of older, dying lilac bushes that need to be taken out, and our shed needs to go as well. Or, we could get a newer home....someday.
I own my 2000 Volvo, but it's falling apart. These past couple of years I've paid over $2,000 in repairs, which made me max out one of my only two working credit cards, the ones that were going to help me build my credit. I need a newer car.
I have no available credit on my two remaining credit cards. They're maxed out, and I'm struggling to even pay the minimum payment. That said, I want to do whatever it takes to keep these cards in order to build my credit.
I have $6,000 left to pay on a number of closed credit cards. I'm accomplishing this through a non profit credit counseling service. I have only eight months to go and I'll be paid in full.
I have student loan debt of nearly $50,000, however the phone representative of the collection company to which I pay $342 monthly told me that they would shave off a substantial amount of interest if I paid successfully for nine months. This August will be the ninth month! I feel like this should be an early success for me, but we'll see. I have a follow up phone call to make next month.
I have had a tough time contributing funds to my daughter's college savings plan. I stopped my contributions about eight months ago, and I want to start that back up soon. Very soon. So much of my guilt feelings about my debt are related to not being able to be a better than adequate provider for my kids. I'm a good mom, and our home is filled with love and laughter, and ice cream, but I have to say "no" a lot. Too many times.
I am overdrawn in my checking account. Payday is in two days, but I'm presently in the hole about $600 according to the overdraft letter I received today from my bank.
I have $16 dollars and a couple of dollars in change in my wallet.
The good news deserves it's own post, so I'm going to do it right now.
In those early years of my marriage, I brought credit card debt to our union, but so did my ex husband. As we built our family, we put furniture and furnishings on credit cards. While I stayed home with the kids, he worked full time at a $40,000 a year job while also pursuing his law degree. We both used credit to appear to our families of origin that we were "doing fine". We both secretly knew that we weren't completely fine. And we rarely talked in a healthy way about money. Fight about money? Yes. Talk about money. Never.
Question: When is the best time to bring up money when in a long term relationship?
I'm still in a lot of debt, so I'm going to list the bad news here first. I promise that the good news list will follow, because there's always a silver lining. I have blessings galore, and it feels right and fair to list them as well.
My ex husband, Larry, and I together own a home: a 3 bedroom, 1 bathroom rambler, in a middle class suburb outside of St. Paul, Minnesota. I share this home with my children. Larry remarried last December and lives with his wife about twenty minutes away. In our divorce decree, Larry agreed to pay our mortgage in place of child support, and he has done this without fail. I am truly grateful for this.
The house my children and I share is sturdy, but older, built in the 1950s. The original plumbing, exterior siding, original windows and doors, and tar coated driveway need to be refurbished or replaced. There is a dying pine tree and a couple of older, dying lilac bushes that need to be taken out, and our shed needs to go as well. Or, we could get a newer home....someday.
I own my 2000 Volvo, but it's falling apart. These past couple of years I've paid over $2,000 in repairs, which made me max out one of my only two working credit cards, the ones that were going to help me build my credit. I need a newer car.
I have no available credit on my two remaining credit cards. They're maxed out, and I'm struggling to even pay the minimum payment. That said, I want to do whatever it takes to keep these cards in order to build my credit.
I have $6,000 left to pay on a number of closed credit cards. I'm accomplishing this through a non profit credit counseling service. I have only eight months to go and I'll be paid in full.
I have student loan debt of nearly $50,000, however the phone representative of the collection company to which I pay $342 monthly told me that they would shave off a substantial amount of interest if I paid successfully for nine months. This August will be the ninth month! I feel like this should be an early success for me, but we'll see. I have a follow up phone call to make next month.
I have had a tough time contributing funds to my daughter's college savings plan. I stopped my contributions about eight months ago, and I want to start that back up soon. Very soon. So much of my guilt feelings about my debt are related to not being able to be a better than adequate provider for my kids. I'm a good mom, and our home is filled with love and laughter, and ice cream, but I have to say "no" a lot. Too many times.
I am overdrawn in my checking account. Payday is in two days, but I'm presently in the hole about $600 according to the overdraft letter I received today from my bank.
I have $16 dollars and a couple of dollars in change in my wallet.
The good news deserves it's own post, so I'm going to do it right now.
DAY 1/364 TO GO, July 24, 2013: I have to write about this....
I'm in financial hell as I write this. My plan is to get out.
I think that writing about the process, twists, turns, mistakes, and hopefully the successes will help. At the very least, journal writing will hopefully keep me accountable and on task. I need to get through this problem one day at a time so that I can feel better. I want financial sanity, and I want it NOW!
I wish there was an Anonymous group for people like me. Is there one? Money Worriers Anonymous? It can't be called Spenders Anonymous because I never have any money to spend, at least not now. If there isn't a support group, maybe I need to form one. Not a bad idea, so I'll table it for now.
Here's my rough plan for the next twelve months:
1) (THOUGHTS AND WORDS) I'm going to be more honest with myself and with others about my financial limitations.
2) (ACTIONS AND WORDS) I'm going to check my credit reports. (*I called and ordered my three credit reports on Aug. 19) Then study them. Then ask companies to take off debts that are paid in full.
3) (ACTIONS) I'm going to set up a plan to pay off my remaining two credit cards.
4) (THOUGHTS, WORDS) I'm going to ask a friend to be my "spending sponsor" for when I need to control my spending urges.
5) (ACTIONS) I'm going to read more books about paying off debt and making my money count.
6) (ACTIONS) I'm going to open up a savings account, and NOT dip into it like I've done in the past.
7) (THOUGHTS) I'm going to be kind to myself.
8) (ACTIONS) (*I've got a jar on my dresser for tip money from Skinny's) I'm going to start a Treat Savings Jar for myself and my family
9) (ACTIONS) I'm going to research how to become pre-approved for a new house, and begin that process.
10) (THOUGHTS AND ACTIONS) I'm going to celebrate my successes responsibly with my friends and family.
11) (WORDS) I'm going to ask for moral support, not financial support.
12) (THOUGHTS AND WORDS) I'm going to come up with a mantra that will get me through the next 365 days after this first try.
I'm frustrated, I'm angry at myself, and I'm ready. Let's do this.
I think that writing about the process, twists, turns, mistakes, and hopefully the successes will help. At the very least, journal writing will hopefully keep me accountable and on task. I need to get through this problem one day at a time so that I can feel better. I want financial sanity, and I want it NOW!
I wish there was an Anonymous group for people like me. Is there one? Money Worriers Anonymous? It can't be called Spenders Anonymous because I never have any money to spend, at least not now. If there isn't a support group, maybe I need to form one. Not a bad idea, so I'll table it for now.
Here's my rough plan for the next twelve months:
1) (THOUGHTS AND WORDS) I'm going to be more honest with myself and with others about my financial limitations.
2) (ACTIONS AND WORDS) I'm going to check my credit reports. (*I called and ordered my three credit reports on Aug. 19) Then study them. Then ask companies to take off debts that are paid in full.
3) (ACTIONS) I'm going to set up a plan to pay off my remaining two credit cards.
4) (THOUGHTS, WORDS) I'm going to ask a friend to be my "spending sponsor" for when I need to control my spending urges.
5) (ACTIONS) I'm going to read more books about paying off debt and making my money count.
6) (ACTIONS) I'm going to open up a savings account, and NOT dip into it like I've done in the past.
7) (THOUGHTS) I'm going to be kind to myself.
8) (ACTIONS) (*I've got a jar on my dresser for tip money from Skinny's) I'm going to start a Treat Savings Jar for myself and my family
9) (ACTIONS) I'm going to research how to become pre-approved for a new house, and begin that process.
10) (THOUGHTS AND ACTIONS) I'm going to celebrate my successes responsibly with my friends and family.
11) (WORDS) I'm going to ask for moral support, not financial support.
12) (THOUGHTS AND WORDS) I'm going to come up with a mantra that will get me through the next 365 days after this first try.
I'm frustrated, I'm angry at myself, and I'm ready. Let's do this.
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