Yesterday was a rough day for most of it. I had a cloud of shame and guilt hanging over my head. Also, a bit of disbelief and "why me?" for most of the morning and part of the afternoon.
I only have about $300 left in the bank. And yesterday was payday. I have to lay this out because it's the truth, and the first goal on my list was this: "(THOUGHTS AND WORDS): To be honest with myself and others about my financial limitations".
The cloud eventually cleared up, but before it did, I had to hit a strange kind of "rock bottom" feeling. After doing all of the math and figuring that only $18 stood between all of my bills being paid and groceries for the next two weeks, I made a decision that is not new for me: I spent money.
I had to. What other option was there? My daughter has grown out of her summer clothes and camp is in two weeks. We bought t-shirts and shorts at Target, and everything was on sale. My son needed flashlight batteries and other camp gear, too, so we bought them. Also, a large Jif peanut butter was on sale for $5, so we bought it. (My daughter is vegetarian, and peanut butter helps us both get by for a protein alternative.) We spotted seedless watermelon for $4.99, but I knew it would be cheaper at Aldi, so we passed it up.
Question: What would you have done if you were in my shoes?
My son begged for Twinkies. And begged, and begged. "Please, Mom, I've never had them before." (Lie.) "Please, please? I promise, this is the only thing I'll ask for, and I'll share with Laura."
"Okay, but you have to share. And you can only have two in the car." Max had eaten most of his lunch earlier. He mischievously ate three Twinkies in the car he told me later on that day, but I knew he was in kid heaven. At least temporarily until the next "want".
After Target, I dropped the kids off at home and went straight to Aldi. If I'm gonna do it, I might as well get it over with, especially since I know there is still money in my account and I can use my debit card. None of the automatic withdrawal bills like electric or the two credit cards are scheduled to post until next week. So I bought four bags of groceries for $48 at Aldi, my saving grace grocery store.
Last stop was Cub Foods for some extra firm tofu. They sell it for only $2.00. I'll make a large batch of vegetarian stir fry with the fresh vegetables, and that will be good for 2-3 meals for my daughter. If I saute some chicken, that will be good for my son, the carnivore.
On the way home with all of my provisions, my head began to hurt. My temples felt heavy, and I began breathing more slowly and noticeably. I wasn't feeling well, but rather overwhelmed. And worried. And panicked. My money. My plan. Those bills that need to be paid before August 9th. What was I going to do?
I went home, unpacked the groceries, walked past and smiled at the kids who were enjoying a movie on DVD, and lay my head down in my room. I just needed a moment to calm down and breathe normally. I needed to think of a solution. How was I going to manage now that I outspent my surplus $18 by about $160?
My solution? I have a $370 payment scheduled for August 1st. The payment is what I pay a non profit credit counseling organization called Consumer Credit of Des Moines. They collect from me two amounts each month, and then they pay my creditors. I have only eight months to go, and then I will have completed the program. If I call them on Monday, I'm sure they'll let me mail in that payment to them after my next paycheck on August 9th. I'll mail them a certified check from the bank, and then they will have the necessary amount by the 15th to pay my creditors.
Problem solved? Hopefully. I'll know Monday morning. My fingers are crossed, but I'm also breathing more easily.
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